Sometimes things happen all at once. That is what it has been like lately. I think one reason it is hard to go to bed sometimes at night is because I need that quiet processing time that can't happen any other time of day.
Tonight I am thinking about my precious Ilse, whose stomach is bleeding. She is going in for an endoscopy on Monday. I suspect she has internal granulomas. We'll see.
We're dealing with a few lies here and there with the boys, but on the whole they are doing truly amazingly.
Tim is enjoying work, although he does have a few difficult students.... And he continues to have dramatic situations happening to him.
I have been busy dealing with Ilse's health and the house, and I have been showering the boys with Brach's pumpkins and candy corn. They almost never get candy, so this is a real treat.
We got a call about a little boy who we are going to meet and consider adopting. I am very excited about it. Anytime a new child comes into a family it is a cause for celebration, regardless of whether it comes through biological birth or adoptive placement. So we are celebrating the idea of adopting him and when we actually do adopt, whether it is he or someone else, we will have a big party, because he is worth it.
A child is worth all the work, all the pain, all the sacrifice. We have three kids now, and not one of them is perfect. Not one was birthed through that perfect birth experience people seek, not one got to be cherished properly the first little while, and not one is perfectly healthy. But all three were sovereignly placed in our family and we cherish each one. We rejoice in the strengths and weaknesses of each precious child, because that is how God made them, and He made them well. Ilse's little body doesn't make cholesterol, Joey can't quite understand what is going on sometimes, and Chris is a slow, slow processor. Ilse needs therapy, Joey needs constant explanations, and Chris needs constant promptings.
If we adopt this little boy, he will need therapy. But he is just as worth that time and effort as Ilse is. If we adopt him, he will need to learn to talk, just like Joey-- but he is just as worth it as Joey is. If we adopt him, he will need lots of supervision, just like Chris did, but he is just as worth it.
The rewards of loving these imperfect bodies and souls can't even be counted. Ilse started waving. She does it with one finger. I almost never have to tell Joey to be expressive with his voice anymore. He just does it. Chris comes up and gives me backrubs. Joey told me I was a good mom. Chris likes to cuddle with me and Ilse hugged me yesterday.
God certainly hasn't given us children in the conventional way. They all three took effort and all three have been birthed into our hearts through emotional pain-- through years of waiting, aching, and crying. We want them, imperfections and all. That doesn't make us noble. It doesn't make us special or really good people. This life is hard, no doubt about it. It is the life that God chose for us and we embrace it. The kids are worth it.