Thursday, August 11, 2011

I had a moment earlier

where I just wanted this day to be over as quickly as possible.  Just chuck the kids in bed, forget eating, who cares, and go to bed.
I resisted.  Yay, good for me.

You see, Ilse's room is messy, and I keep hitting my feet when I walk in there.  But I just haven't had time to clean it yet.

And I need to vacuum Ilse's floor, because there are fire ants in there.  But I just haven't gotten in there to do it yet.

And we have baby spiders in ALL our corners.  But I haven't gotten the vacuum around the house yet because of all the junk in the way.

And the kitchen floor is sticky.  And I just haven't had time to clean it yet. 

And my room is a disaster.  And I just haven't had the energy to clean it yet.

And I still have grocery items out.  And I just haven't had the time to put them away yet. 

And I have stacks of paper on my desk that have been there for more than three months.  And I just haven't had the time to organize it all and put it away.  Yet.

There is more, but I'll spare you.

So even though the boys were supposed to be doing jobs (helping me) around the house, I sent them to play since I was inflicting my grumpiness on them.  And I cleaned up the baby barf and then just sat down with my baby and rocked her.  Then she barfed again, and I cleaned that up too.  I smiled into her face, and she smiled back at me.

Even though all these chores I'm not doing every day are important, they just aren't important enough for me to give up these other things:

Pumping five-six times a day to have enough milk for my baby.  People who nurse usually nurse more than five times, so I feel like I'm doing pretty well.

Taking care of meals for my boys.

Keeping Ilse's stoma clean and healthy.  Right now it doesn't look so good, I don't think, so I'm taking extra good care.

Trying to get as much food into my baby as possible, but giving it in such a way that it actually stays in.

Making doctors appointments.

Getting some sleep.

Spending time with my husband.  After all, he goes to work on Monday---- goodbye summer happiness.

Dealing with the evermounting bills.  When will that tax refund get here?!?  Or at least, Tim's first payday as a paraprofessional.  Not the job we'd hoped for this year, but way better than subbing.  We're very thankful.

Teaching the boys about having good attitudes and being thankful. 

All my housework will get done, but it will just take a bit longer than it used to.  And I'm enjoying doing it myself, because I know I can handle my life.  I'm totally capable of handling it at this juncture, and I want to.  It's just going to be slower.  A lot slower.  But Tim's happiness, the boys' joyful playing, and Ilse's smiles make all the toe-banging worth it. 


Ilse is sleeping so peacefully right now.  Whenever I lay her down we play her little lamb game.  The little lamb (from Jessica) walks up to her face and says, "Little Lamb!"  And kisses her twice.  We do it twice.  She loves it.  We do the same thing with her little kitty (thanks, Jess!) when she lays down to play in her Play Place.

Ilse had her GI appt today.  She is now 24 inches long, but only 9 pounds 9.5 oz.  That's a major growth spurt.... 1 3/4 inches in four weeks.  The doctor is not worried about her weight right now since she has some fat stores, but he does want me to give her some more food if she can keep it down.  He'd like to see her establish a weight to length curve.  He says she's just 'long and lean'.  I wonder what side of the family she gets that from!  :)

I've been pumping five times a day as opposed to the three I'd previously made time for.  It's a huge time commitment (and money commitment) but it is so worth it to me and Ilse.  If she truly does have SLOS, then the cholesterol I'm giving her via breastmilk is vital to her development, especially since I'm having major trouble remembering to give her egg.  That's just not something I was preprogrammed to do as a mother.  I've finally gotten my milk supply up enough to be able to support at least two more 90ml feedings a day.  Hopefully I'll be able to increase my supply even more as Ilse grows.  And if for some reason the test we should have gotten back yesterday comes back that she doesn't have SLOS (not likely) then I'll be super glad I kept pumping since it will be more likely then that she can eventually nurse.

Ilse's head control is getting better and better.  I sit her on my lap and she can hold her head up but it's pretty wobbly.  We'll keep practicing.  She still won't pick it up when she's doing tummy time unless she's supremely mad.  I can tell her vision is getting better and she is getting more social.  I saw a flicker of disappointment in her eyes when I stopped playing with her the other day, so, like the good mother I am, I continued playing.  :)

Tim and I have been so busy lately that we have accidently bought The King's Speech from Red Box, and Gone With The Wind from Netflix.  Oh well.

My boys are in bed semi-on-time tonight, and they had a nice dinner, although right now I can't remember what it was.  Oh yes, waffles.  Boys love waffles.  And hopefully I'll get into the kitchen semi soon and make dinner for Tim and me.  Maybe I'll even get some of those groceries put away.

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