The other day it occurred to me what the hardest thing about being a mother to a four and five year old is. Brace yourselves, people. It's not something fantastic like it being hard when my kids misbehave, or when they make the house a disaster, or when I'm worried because they are sick and hurting.
No. The hardest thing is:
I have to talk. Yep, that's it. I know it might seem like a surprise, but I'm not a natural born talker. Oh, I can hold my own if I must. But it's hard, and (I admit it!) I agonize over being able to keep up the conversation every single time I'm put in that position. What if I have nothing else to say? Aren't people getting tired of hearing, "So, yeah, I don't know anything else." Or, "Wow!" :) At least when I say the first thing I'm being honest. I really don't know anything else that I can say!
So, the boys will be talking to me, and I do love their talking, but it makes me have to respond! Responding to the "Mommy?" 20000 times a minute is so exhausting, not because I don't want to listen. I do! I just have nothing to say.
Once when Mom and I were heading to the doctor when I was a teenager, she mentioned that the car is always quiet when it was only I there. (me there? Not sure. I think it's I, since it's a predicate nominative, right, Eunice?)
I still like quiet, and even in the morning I just need Tim to not overwhelm me with conversation the first thing. I can't stand it. Just two minutes of quiet is what I desire. One time I got into a huge argument with someone because there was too much information input and I shouted at them to just be quiet! I seriously can't think when someone won't stop talking long enough for me to think about what they said, especially in an argument.
I don't believe this qualifies me as an introvert, since I love being around the kids/people and don't feel a need to be alone. I just don't want to be required to talk. Sounds awfully selfish when I put it that way, huh. Yes, I'm seriously handicapped in this area. Maybe I'll grow out of it, but I doubt it. I guess I'll just have to work on it.