Last night Tim and I were reading the Pregnancy book Ivy loaned us; we hadn't read it for a few weeks. At first I'd tried to read that week's info every Sunday, but lately I've been forgetting. So last night we tried to read back a bit and forward a bit.
Then came the dad tip: Dads, tell your partner if you are overwhelmed at the big life change coming up.... she won't feel burdened but will likely be glad that she isn't the only one overwhelmed.
Well, sorry, folks, but neither of us feel overwhelmed about the 'big life change' coming up. Honestly, I don't feel like it will be a big life change. Maybe I'm crazy, but we've been taking care of kids since May of 2008, and one of those was a baby. Yes, I didn't nurse her or get up in the night with her, but we've gotten up with the boys, and it hasn't been a big deal.
I tend to be pretty administrative (so my mom tell me) and I think she's right, so I think I'll be able to handle the baby without being overwhelmed. But you know what??? If I WANT to be overwhelmed, then I will feel free to be so. Just because I was infertile does not mean that I can't experience all the normal feelings a pregnant person/new baby's mom can or should or might want to.
All that said, there is one thing that has me overwhelmed. It's the amount of eating I'm supposed to be doing. Oh my. I was reading all of that, and the amount of weight I'm supposed to have gained, and all this, and I nearly flipped out and started hyperventilating. I CAN'T EAT THAT MUCH!
Anyone who knows me knows I am not a big eater. I've gained weight during my marriage mostly because of my sedentary lifestyle. I actually started gaining weight in college when I met Tim because I no longer did my fast walking. As I have always said, I would rather walk slowly with him than quickly by myself. But, it did have some consequences, the slow walking along with the extra sitting while doing the extra driving, the late nights, the stress of school, and then, to top it all off, the depression over being infertile. All of this and the fact that I simply don't love eating (kinda like my niece Abby, I guess) leads to my body hoarding the food I do eat and gaining weight.
So, when we got the boys, I immediately dropped weight because I was no longer sedentary. In fact, I've lost more weight since being pregnant simply because nothing sounds good. I don't want to eat!
So, I mentally flipped out and then it culminated in a horrible nightmare last night where I went to my sonogram and the baby looked like a little wizened old man, and it didn't even have all of its fingers. The doctor told me, 'It's because you aren't eating enough.'
Talk about nightmare! No one wants to feel like they've killed the one thing in their life only THEY have the responsibility to make sure grows and is healthy. Sure, I have responsibility for the boys, but Tim does too, and they can talk and tell me if they are hungry. It's not the same at all.
So this morning I called my dear friend Ivy who told me that everything was going to be ok. I'm sure all her advice is right. So I'm trying to relax about it, and not eat if I don't want to. So the extra 300 calories I was supposed to add to my diet a couple of weeks ago will not be added. I'm lucky it I eat 1800 calories a day... I simply don't think I do. That other extra 1/2 cup of garbanzo beans will stay at the store. Not here, nope. Gross.
Today I've eaten two bowls of cereal, and that is going to have to be enough until later because nothing else sounds good. I think the boys may have finished my yogurt.... which does sound good.
At any rate, Ivy said that so long as I eat calcium to save my bones and teeth, it'll be ok. The baby IS getting fed, just off of me instead of what I am eating. Yippee.
Maybe all of this was a bit personal, but it's my blog, and no one has to read it if they don't want to know. :) This is my pregnancy, and this is what I was thinking about today. Hopefully I can get over that nightmare, though.